I am going to unapologetically leave this quote here with very little elaboration. It would tarnish its beauty. It has the appearance of simplicity, being just one brief sentence, but bears the weight of dark, deep-seeded emotions.
We’ve been taught not to prioritize our own desires, and feel guilty, shameful, and selfish when we do. In self-discovery, we learn that those desires are actually needs, and we must honor and have faith in them. What a profound message wrapped up in that one sweet little sentence. And so fitting when exploring self-discovery.
I am unapologetic about what I desire, and trust that what I focus on will grow.
I’m not unhappy, per say, but I seek a sense of fulfillment that I neither possess, nor have tended to, for a very long time.
My sense of joy no longer comes from within myself. I find happiness in being a supermom, maintaining a clean and organized home, and providing my kids with an enriching childhood. I take delight in supporting my family, witnessing their successes, and encouraging them to pursue their dreams. That’s what moms do, right?
But why do we stop fueling who we are outside of our mommy roles? We are still unique individuals entitled to goals and desires, right? And I mean more than treating ourselves to an occasional girls night out, or splurging on a cut and color. Real dreams and aspirations as a full, whole person. Adult goals. Exploring our own interests and passions and finding our spark. Mommyhood is amazing, and adds incredible joy and fulfillment, yes, but letting it replace growth as an individual is a mistake.
I know because I did just that. And I need to do some serious work to undo it. For me, 2019 is about rediscovering what makes me happy, from within. Finding my true purpose, fulfillment, and happiness. That is my birthright.